Smoke
by Genesis Grey
Summary: Eiri's turn for introspection on his sister and his self; to be read after Visiting Hours.


::Smoke:: 

Eiri lit the cigarette as he flopped down on his couch and glared at the television. Shuichi had left it on when he bound out of the apartment earlier, though the boy was thankfully quieter than usual. The pest had been quieter than usual all week, sneaking around and giving Eiri those huge puppy eyes, asking if he was alright. It had taken Eiri a while before he finally figured out why the little fool was tiptoeing around him like he was glass. 

Mika's suicide attempt. 

He let out a drag. He'd never expected Mika to be sensitive enough to try and commit suicide. It'd make a great story he thought with a smirk as he put out the cigarette. A lonely wife feeling abused by her husband's lack of attention, forced to play emissary for her father to her stoic brother, the object of her husband's attention, driven to the point of suicide. Sounded like one of his novels, complete with the tragic ending. Maybe he could turn the story into a bestseller. 

Eiri choked; feeling a sudden tightness in his chest as he leaned forward putting his hands over his mouth and dropping the cigarette to the floor. He felt as if he was going to be sick. He coughed violently, stumbling forward off the couch. He felt warm liquid splatter on his fingers. Blood. "Not again," he coughed, holding his hand over his mouth to keep the blood off the floor as he slowly stumbled into the bathroom and fell to his knees. 

He spit into the toilet, the blood droplets turning the water a diluted pink. He breathed in deeply, forcing himself to calm down, the taste of blood on his lips. He fell backwards on to the floor, curling his knees against his chest and rocking. He closed his eyes. 

He could hear voices in the living room. Mika. Hitomi. 

"What do you mean he's sick?" Mika said, her voice rising with agitation. 

"He started coughing and shoved me," Hitomi's nasally voice cut though the air. "Can you believe he shoved me?! Then he collapsed into the bathroom and I called you because I wasn't sure what to do." 

"It didn't occur to you to get him to a hospital?" Mika hissed, sounding as if she were coming closer. The soft sound of slippers flopping against the wood floor as he curled in on himself. "What did you do to him?" 

"Is all I did was make a comment about a piece I'm writing about New York and asked him what he thought about the city. There's nothing wrong with that and I didn't call anyone else for your family's sake. Your brother's obviously defective. Do you want that advertised to the world?" was Hitomi's annoyed response. 

There as the loud sound of flesh striking flesh that seemed to echo through the apartment. 

"Get out," Mika said, her voice low and nearly a snarl. "I knew you were using Eiri to further your career, but if you can't even pretend to care just get out!" 

Hitomi made an indignant sound. "I do care. But your brother is a selfish bastard who treats everyone he meets like shit, like they're part of his novels. He never opens up to anyone. He likes to be miserable and make everyone around him miserable as well. I think he actually gets into relationships to break the hearts of those stupid enough to care for him. I'm not that stupid. I like him, but I've been smart and taken what I wanted. Connections. Affection. Sex. The only thing I didn't get was his love and I don't think he's capable of that." 

"Get out of here!" Mika said, her voice cracking. "I never want to see you anywhere near my brother ever again. If I do I'll ruin you." 

Hitomi's laughed wafted though the house. "Please. What are you going to do? Your family runs a temple and your husband plays the keyboard in a band. You're not exactly in a position to do anything to me. You're like a pathetic character in one of your brother's demented novels." 

"Shut up. I won't let you hurt Eiri. He may not know the kind of person you are, but I do and I will not let this go on any longer." Mika said, her voice rising slightly. "Get out of my brother's home." 

"He cares for me," Hitomi's voice snipped back, "but have it your way. Break your brother's heart when you have to explain that you threw me out and maybe he'll write about your horrific murder in one of his little stories." There was the sound of someone picking up keys. "I'll send for my stuff later." 

The front door slammed shut just as someone opened the bathroom door and Eiri could feel someone kneeling behind him, pulling him close and stroking his hair. "It's okay Eiri. We're going to get you to a doctor and everything will be fine. Don't think about the sad things any more," Mika said in a small voice. He could feel his sister's long hair brushing against his cheek as he shuddered, trying to regain control, wanting to push her away. Instead he curled himself closer to the comforting warmth of her body. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, her thumb caressing his cheekbone as a tear fell against his temple. 

Eiri opened his eyes. 

He was alone and curled up on the bathroom floor. The apartment was quiet, no one else was around. He listened to the sound of his own breath for a moment, watching the steady shaking of his hands. He hadn't thought of Hitomi for years, let alone the day she left. He'd forgotten that Mika was there that day. That Mika had been the one to throw her out. That Mika had boxed up her stuff. That Mika had cared for him until his heartache mended and his attacks of panic stopped and he was back to his brutal self, snubbing her in all her efforts to help him. He'd forgotten how mad he'd been that Mika had meddled in his life, even if it was for his own good. He'd forgotten it all and he wanted to keep it that way. He shoved the memories back amongst the myriad of thoughts he blocked from his daily life. 

He sat up slowly. His shaking was gradually subsiding. There was still the metallic tang of blood in his mouth, but it seemed that it was only an aftertaste. Nothing to worry about. He stood up, his knees wobbling a bit as he grabbed hold of the doorframe to sturdy himself. He let out a calming breath. It was a good thing Shuichi wasn't around. The little brat would worry. 

Eiri straightened and walked back out to the living room. The television was still on, some variety show was playing. He picked up the pack of cigarettes and pulled one out and carefully took another few breaths. 

He knew he'd just had another one of his panic attacks. He smirked as he put the cigarette in his mouth and picked up the lighter. Probably served him right the way he'd been thinking about turning Mika's life into one of his novels. It was unfair of him to think that way. She'd always done her best to protect him, even when he wished she wouldn't. Never seemed like she was in trouble herself, just always bailing her brothers out. Images of the hospital in Kyoto flashed through his mind and Eiri shook his head to make it stop as he lit up the cigarette and tossed the lighter back on the table. 

The phone rang and he gave it a disapproving glance. It was probably Shuichi calling to check in with him or maybe Tohma calling to mother him more. He didn't want to talk to that man at the moment. The machine picked up as he sat down on the couch. Tatsuha began to speak: 

"Dammit! Eiri, I don't know where you are right now… you're probably there and sleeping… but wake up and get down here. Mika needs you. You were always her favorite, the least you can do is show up here once." Silence. "I know why you don't want to come, but you have to. You're her brother and she always comes for you." 

Eiri stared over at the machine as Tatsuha hung up. His younger brother sounded serious for once, that was new. For a moment he wondered what he meant when he said he knew why he didn't want to do to the hospital. Images of white and blood flashed in his mind and Eiri pushed the curiosity away. 

"Mika's favorite…" he mused, inhaling an exhaling a breath of smoke. He supposed it was somewhat true. More because they had a lot in common than any dislike of Tatsuha. In fact, in later years, Eiri was positive that Tatsuha had become her favorite. If Mika did indeed confer favoritism upon her brothers. 

He blew out a breath of smoke as he leaned back on the couch, staring idly at the television. Mika'd supported his writing when they were all younger. She loved to read as much as he had and always had a glowing comment to make about the trite poems or short story he gave her to read. She would bring him books that their father would have never allowed. Books filled with passion and excitement, a far cry from the traditional literature their father had preached and demanded they read. Eiri could remember when Tatsuha was four and they would sneak into Mika's room and the three of them would hide under her blankets with a flashlight as she read to them. 

He looked over at the phone. He didn't understand why his brother wanted him to come to the hospital. There was no reason. If Mika lived she'd be over to bother him and try to drag him back to Kyoto soon enough and if she died there was no sense in going either. There was really nothing he could do to help one way or the other. 

Tatsuha was right about one thing though. Mika always came for him, even when he didn't want her to. He thought of Hitomi for a moment before sneering and pushing the memory away again. He didn't like the fact that at his age his older sister was still butting into his affairs, but at the same time he wasn't sure what he'd do if she didn't. 

He smirked and took another drag off his cigarette. Mika always seemed to appear at the strangest moments and refused to leave until he was able to stand on his own. Maybe she was an incarnation of the benevolent Kannon. With how much he tried and succeeded in cutting her with his words and actions, the fact she always came back had to mean something like that. 

He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew smoke into the air. He really didn't mind Mika's constant meddling; though he'd never admit it, he took comfort in the fact she cared so much. It almost hurt to think she would never walk in the door unexpected again because she was lying unconscious in a hospital. 

His hands trembled slightly as he raised the cigarette to his lips again and sucked in the smoke. His fingers twitched on the cigarette. The image of Mika in the hospital made him ill. The image of her curled up on the bed, crying her eyes out, blood smeared on her face as she swatted at the nurses that came near her, screaming for her mother. But that wasn't now. 

Eiri dropped his cigarette and stared at the ceiling as he remembered the day their mother died. He could still feel where his father had grabbed his shoulder, nearly jerking him off the ground in his haste to get to the hospital. He could remember sitting out in the waiting room for two hours, watching over the year old Tatsuha, and not knowing why he was there. He could remember finally being able to see Mika and finding his older sister in hysterics, a nurse holding her so she couldn't hurt herself. Then their father had come into the room looking older than he should have and collapsed in a chair, telling them their mother was dead and letting his head fall into his hands. Eiri could still hear the sound of Mika's screaming. 

"Shit," he cursed, feeling numb as he leaned forward and picked the cigarette up off the floor, dropping it into the ashtray. He didn't want to see that again. He didn't want to see Mika looking so weak. She was always his strong and responsible older sister. He reached over and pulled out another cigarette and lit it. He didn't even know for sure that she would want him there. He had virtually ignored her last time they'd spoken, only smirking and calling her a nosy old woman. Shuichi had even commented on how cold he was to her and his lover had become quite used to how he treated the people around him, especially those stupid enough to care for him. 

He looked up as the phone began to ring again. He got up off the couch and picked it up, planning to tell Tatsuha he wasn't coming so that his little brother might as well stop trying. 

"Eiri?" 

"Yeah," Eiri said around his cigarette, cursing his luck. It wasn't Tatsuha. 

"It's Seguchi." 

"Yeah, what do you want?" he asked, in no mood to be polite. He didn't really want to talk to anyone at the moment, except maybe his family. He smirked as he remembered that Tohma was family. He was technically Mika's husband. It annoyed Eiri a bit that Mika cared so much for him and yet Tohma just didn't seem to get it. That was why she'd tried to kill herself after all. Wasn't it? 

"Tatsuha called me earlier." 

"He called me too. So what?" he asked, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. He liked Tohma well enough, even trusted the man to an extent, but he wasn't in the mood to talk at the moment. Besides that, the president of NG had to want something. Tohma never did anything unless he was trying to get or do something. An admirable trait, but one that made Eiri weary. 

"He said you haven't been to see Mika at the hospital." 

"I'm hanging up," Eiri said, clicking the button and setting the phone back into its cradle. He truly wasn't in the mood to play Tohma's little word games, skating around the subject. He held the cigarette up to his mouth and wondered what Mika would want. He knew he rarely did anything for her. Three years in a row he'd managed to forget her birthday. 

He sat down on the couch again. Last year he remembered her birthday at ten in the evening and showed up at her door an hour later. She'd come to the door in her robe with make up still on her face. Tohma had taken her out to dinner. At sight of him she'd gotten that worried look in her eyes, the slight quirking of her eyebrow and the drawn look to her lips. He'd smirked, knowing she assumed he'd had some horrid heartbreak that was so bad he actually felt the need to run to her or Tohma. "Happy Birthday, sis," was all he'd said, enjoying the look on her face she waited for the bad news to come before smiling when she realized he really had only come to wish her a happy birthday. 

Eiri looked around the room not wanting to stare at the animated people on the television or the paintings hung on the wall. Mika always appreciated things like that. The little things like going out to dinner or a simple phone call. Little things… like showing up at the hospital and holding her hand. 

"Yuki!" a cheery voice called out as the door slammed shut and someone scrambled into the apartment. Eiri took another drag, blowing the smoke out. Shuichi was home. Maybe it was a good time to go visit Mika. 

--- 

Author's Notes: Apparently when I say I'll get it up by the weekend I mean Monday morning. Overall I'm not quite sure how I feel about this part, Eiri's a tough character to write. Hmmm, technically if you're coughing up blood you should go to a doctor, but I imagine Eiri to be the stubborn type. Okay, in the next part we will learn Mika's fate. *mad laughter* Hopefully I will get that written within the week, but I'll try to have it up by at least next Wednesday. Comment always loved and adored. ^_^ 


End file.
